As parents, we know that life is full of teachable moments for our children and on good days, we recognize those moments and share the appropriate lessons. Much of the advice we impart to our children is based on experience which allows us to speak from a place of confidence. Some of the advice, however, is based purely on instinct and we pray that we are leading them in the right direction. Whatever the case may be, we have a great responsibility as parents to help guide our children through their life journey and assist them in difficult situations. We may not always know what to do but we must put our trust in God and believe that He will lead us in the right direction.
Several months ago, one of my daughters experienced a situation where, after a lot of hard work and dedication, something she had hoped for did not materialize. She was sad and disappointed. I let her know that her feelings were normal and that she should allow herself some time to deal with her emotions. I communicated that everyone experiences disappointment in their lives but the type of person we choose to be depends on what we do with those feelings and how we respond to adversity. We can remain upset, wallow in self-pity and drag everyone around us down or we can rise above and do the best we can with what we are given. My advice was to be thankful for all that she has, to put her trust in God, continue to do her best and make the most of the opportunity that was in front of her. I am proud to say that she did just that and was able to get the most out of her situation. I felt good about the advice and I hoped that she felt the same way.
Disappointment is a heavy burden to bear. If not dealt with properly, it can lead to discouragement which is a harder road to recover from. If we let disappointment overcome us, we miss the good that God is performing in our lives. Things do not always go as we planned. The important part of that statement is, as we planned. We need to remember that our lives happen according to God’s plan and not our own. What we see as disappointment or a missed opportunity, can be a blessing. It can be a learning experience that is preparing us for the true gift that God has in store for us. It can be making us available for another opportunity that we did not see coming. It could, and should, make us thankful for what we have instead of focusing our attention on what we are missing. The key, and the difficult thing to do, is to be able to move on from the disappointment and trust in God’s plan. That is what I was trying to communicate to my daughter. God has great things in store for our lives and He will always be there for us.
“For I know well the plans I have in mind for you,” says the Lord. “Plans for your welfare and not for woe, plans to give you a future full of hope.” -Jeremiah 29:11
This is what I believe in my heart and what I know to be true but sometimes I need a reminder when presented with the difficulties of life.
Recently I found myself in a situation where I experienced a similar disappointment. As I was explaining my feelings to my daughter, she stopped me and said, “Dad, didn’t you and I have this same conversation a few months ago?” I paused for a moment and started to think back to the advice that I had given her. I said, “Yes we did”, and then she looked at me as if to say, I think you know how you need to handle this. That look said it all. It was good advice, but not as easy to follow as it was to give. I must admit that it was difficult working through those feelings of sadness and frustration, but I knew the alternative. I chose to the think about the gifts that were provided to me through the situation I was in and not focus on the disappointment. If I did, I would miss everything that was going on around me and could, in turn, affect the mood and mindset of my children in the process. It was also important to show that my advice wasn’t hollow and that I practice what I preach. As parents, we need to be genuine and demonstrate through our actions that our words have meaning. Through a lesson that I originally intended to teach my daughter, she reminded me of who I am and what I believe. I started on a path that deep down in my heart I knew was wrong, and she helped me realize that and get back on the right track.
I have spoken in previous posts that God, as our father, is constantly trying to show us the way but our hearts and minds must be open to hear the message. We must also be open to recognizing the messenger as it could be anyone, even our children.
With everything we say and do, we are ultimately trying to teach our children to be good and kind people and to prepare them in heart and spirit to love and serve God. If we are successful, everything else will fall into place because they will know that through God all things are possible. They will know that God is always there for them and they will know to trust in His plan.
We have an expectation that our kids will listen and pay attention when we offer guidance. Sometimes they are skeptical, so we tell them, “Trust me, I have your best interest at heart.” We need to realize that God has the same expectation and that He feels the same way about us.
Trust in the Lord with all your heart. Do not depend on your own understanding. Seek his will in all you do, and he will show you which path to take. Proverbs 3:5-6.
Parenting and life in general present many challenges and disappointments. Knowing the right thing to say or how to react does not always come easy but if we listen, pay attention and trust in God, we will be able to handle anything that comes our way.