2020 Vision

The past twelve months have been particularly challenging for our family. A year ago last month I was let go from my job after twenty-two years of service. It came as a complete shock and we were not properly prepared for what we were about to experience. Shortly after that event, my wife started experiencing episodes of increased fatigue from her MS which would leave her confined to a bed for weeks at a time. As 2019 came to a close, I approached the new year full of hope. Hope for a fresh start, hope for more positive experiences and hope for a less stressful year. The first few days started on a good note with lots of fun family activities, such as a trip to the zoo and a college basketball game, and then one week into the new year I suffered a stroke.

Once again, it was a complete shock as I had made a conscious effort to get myself in better shape. I had just lost forty pounds and had none of the risk factors. It was a sobering reality of how fragile life really is. Being rushed into a room with five doctors and nurses all frantically attending to me and asking questions to make sure I knew who I was and where I was is something that I never dreamed I would experience. I remember feeling like I was in a movie and thinking this cannot really be happening. It was so surreal. As I was being moved into the MRI machine I started to pray. I just kept praying the Hail Mary over and over again. Prayer is very calming for me and I knew at that moment that no matter what happened, God was by my side.

It was a long but slow recovery and then life took another unexpected turn. Two months later we found ourselves in the situation that we are all facing right now, with the global pandemic, which has changed life for all of us for the foreseeable future. It is a very trying and anxious time for our world community. We are overcome with fear and worry, faced with stay at home orders, not seeing our friends and family and helping our kids with their online learning assignments while also trying to keep some sense of normalcy.

The thing that has gotten me through the past year and all the difficult experiences in my life is putting my trust in God. It has not always been easy, especially in the months since my stroke. Fear and anxiety have overcome me more times than I can count, and I felt like I was at the breaking point on multiple occasions. That is a dangerous place to be and when we are having those feelings we are not thinking clearly, our judgment is clouded and we are not able to hear God or see all the good that he is doing around us. When those feelings get the best of me, I take a step back, reflect and just surrender to God. In those instances when fear and anxiety take over, I pray and thank God for all the blessings in my life. It is in those moments that I can see clearly and I remember what is truly important in life.

During normal times we try very hard to limit activities and to have as much family time as possible but with four kids even doing only one or two activities for each child adds up. Most weeks our calendar is a color-coded mess of one activity after another. Sometimes it seems that there is barely enough time to catch our breath. We find ourselves longing for some downtime and looking forward to the rare weekend with nothing on the calendar. Now we find ourselves with a calendar full of weekends with events crossed off and no plans.

Sometimes it can be hard to see through the clutter and distractions of life. One thing the past few months has taught us all to do, actually forced us to do, is to slow down. By doing that we are able to spend more time with family and take time to be thankful for what we have, especially our health. It has given us time to notice the beauty of Gods creations that are present all around us. It has allowed us to examine our lives, to see what we are really made of and how we respond to new unprecedented challenges. That examination has allowed us to see ourselves as God sees us, without all the superficial distractions. Attending Mass online instead of in person has given us a new appreciation for our faith and the beauty of the Mass. It has made it so we will never take the act of receiving the Eucharist for granted. It has made the usual things we complain about seem so trivial and has magnified for us what is truly important and how we should prioritize our lives. It has taught us to put our trust in God because when we do, we know that we will have all that we need. “God shall fully supply whatever you need in accord with his glorious riches in Jesus Christ” (Philippians 4:19).

The term 20/20 vision is used to describe someone with perfect eyesight. We all want things to return to normal and at some point, they will. When that happens, we should remember what we learned during this unique time in our history. For when we see things through the lens of the year 2020, we will then have perfect vision.